My Brother’s Battle: Navigating the Emotional Journey of Childhood Cancer as a Sibling
Written by Freya Harvey
My Own Story
When I was three, my eldest brother, Sam, was diagnosed with lymphocyte predominant Hodgkin lymphoma stage 2. Though I don’t remember all the details, I do recall how tough it was on my parents. They had to care for me and my other brother while managing the overwhelming stress of Sam’s illness. We were thrown into a situation no one ever imagines, but my parents handled it incredibly well. Even with countless hospital visits and the agonising wait for test results, they kept us together. The fear of losing my big brother, my best friend, was always in the back of my mind. The day Sam was declared cancer-free was nothing short of miraculous—we celebrated with a simple breakfast at Morrisons café, a treat that felt huge at the time because Sam was still so weak.
But our relief was short-lived. A few years later, the cancer returned, this time at stage 4. By then, I was older and more aware of the reality we were facing. The anxiety was unbearable—every time my grandparents picked me up from school instead of my parents, I feared the worst. Watching Sam suffer and not understanding the full extent of what was happening left me feeling isolated. I often felt shut out, even though I knew my parents were trying to protect me. After months of intense chemo, Sam beat cancer for the second and final time. Although our relationship changed—he was no longer the playful brother I remembered—I was grateful to still have him in my life. Today, Sam is thriving, having graduated from Nottingham Trent University and now working as an LGBT fund development manager at LGBT Consortium.
Understanding the Emotional Impact on Siblings
When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it affects their siblings in ways that are deep and complex. Siblings may feel a whirlwind of emotions—fear, confusion, jealousy, and guilt. They may struggle to understand the illness and its implications, leading to anxiety about the future. Jealousy might arise as they see their sick sibling receiving more attention, while guilt could stem from relief that they themselves are not the ones who are ill. These conflicting emotions can be overwhelming, especially if they feel the need to be strong for their family.
The shift in family dynamics can add to this emotional burden. As parents naturally focus more on the sick child, the healthy siblings might feel neglected and lonely. They may also take on more responsibilities at home, which can increase their stress. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings and provide the right support. Encouraging open communication, involving siblings in the care process, and ensuring they have their own outlets for expression can help them navigate these challenging emotions.
How The Joshua Tree Supports Siblings
The Joshua Tree recognises that siblings require specific services to help them express their feelings and cope with their unique challenges.
One of the key services provided is Therapeutic Play sessions, where siblings can meet with a member of the Family Support Team in a safe and comfortable setting—be it at school, home, or The Joshua Tree Support Centre. These sessions allow siblings, like myself, to freely express their emotions and concerns without fear of judgment.
The Joshua Tree also organises regularly activities and events for all children including siblings, as well as Art Therapy and one-on-one counselling. The charity also works closely with schools to support siblings in their academic and social environments, providing staff with guidance on how to manage the ripple effect childhood cancer can have on others.
At The Joshua Tree, I could ask questions and talk about my feelings without the fear of adding to my family’s stress.
Empowering Siblings and Celebrating Small Wins
Empowering siblings to advocate for themselves is vital for their emotional well-being. Encouraging them to voice their needs and feelings fosters a sense of autonomy and self-worth. It’s important for parents and caregivers to model effective communication and involve siblings in decisions that affect their lives. This not only supports their immediate emotional needs but also builds their confidence for the future.
Celebrating small wins and maintaining normalcy are equally important. Recognising and celebrating even the smallest achievements can boost a sibling’s morale and reinforce their sense of self-worth. Keeping up with familiar routines and engaging in enjoyable activities provides a comforting sense of continuity amidst the family health crisis. By creating a supportive environment where normal activities are encouraged, and small victories are celebrated, families can help siblings navigate the challenges with a sense of stability and joy.
The Joshua Tree is a place of hope for families navigating the complex, emotional journey of childhood cancer. By providing tailored support to siblings, they ensure that no one is left behind in the journey towards healing and resilience.
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